Mental Health in Girl Athletes is Suffering Because They’re Growing Up Too Fast

27 Nov Mental Health in Girl Athletes is Suffering Because They’re Growing Up Too Fast

There’s such thing as a Sorority Recruitment Consultant.

This is a professional who you hire to help your daughter with every aspect of her sorority rush experience, so she doesn’t get left behind and gets into the sorority of her dreams (or your dreams, as a mom, if I dare say).

For a $160 consult, you go over the sororities your daughter is considering, how to curate her Instagram and TikTok so she stands out, what to post every day as far as content, what outfits to wear online, how to do her make-up, and what hair styles look best.

Every logistic is planned so your daughter shines…before she even steps foot on campus.

That’s right.

This is a Sorority Recruitment Consultant for high school girls, and it’s already trickling down to middle school girls. These professionals help moms and their daughters with sorority rush long before the process even begins.

It’s called dirty rush. And for good reason, it is dirty. Young girls are forced to grow up into women too soon.

Gone are the days of cherishing the high school experience. Gone are the days of taking it slow. Gone are the days of waiting for the excitement that is college life. Gone are the days of the spectacle that is a true, college sorority rush. Gone are the days of waiting and anticipating to grow up. Gone are the days of waiting to take on the responsibilities of adulthood. Gone are the days of being ecstatic to step on college campus.

It’s time to grow up now, as a teenager, because why not? There’s no problem in growing up too fast, right?

Fear of Getting Left Behind

FOMO is real. In sports, academics, sororities and more, you want to put your girl in every position possible to get ahead of the rest.

You’re told that if you don’t hire that consultant young, she won’t get into her dream sorority in college.

You’re told that if she doesn’t try out for the team before the team, the pre – (insert any acronym here), she will never make the top team when she’s older.

You’re told that if she doesn’t play for the best young, she will never play at a D1 school.

And forget professional sports, she has no shot if she isn’t on the best team at age 12.

So you panic, and without thinking things through and considering the long term, you succumb to your desire for instant gratification. You want her ready now. You want her ready young. So you push her to grow up fast beyond her years.

You sign her up for that “elite” travel team young. You travel hours to practice, and your daughter, seemingly happy, comes along for the ride. You try to justify it and reason with yourself, reminding yourself ‘all these hours will pay off in the end.’

Well, at what cost?

Will she have less time with friends? Going to the mall and movies? Less sleepover parties? Will she miss grandma’s birthday or a cousin’s wedding? Less time for play? Less time to explore other passions and hobbies? Will she suffer an overuse injury?

Will she, dare I say, one day resent all of her childhood years spent in the car for hours on end?

Truth be told, childhood isn’t something you can turn back time and go back to. It’s a once and a lifetime experience.

Truth be told, childhood isn't something you can turn back time and go back to. It's a once and a lifetime experience. Share on X

If you give into the culture of FOMO and try everything in your power to advance your daughter, a sacrifice, or many sacrifices for that matter, will still be made.

It’s up to you to figure out if it’s worth the long term gamble.

Growing Up Too Fast is the Real Mental Health Crisis

More than boys, girls are suffering with their mental health.

Have you considered that maybe, just maybe, pushing your daughter to grow up so fast – to feel the sports pressure young, to take on adult responsibility before college, to wear her hair, make up and clothes like a college girl, and to have her think light years into the future – could be causing her mental health issues and crippling anxiety? After all, poor mental health outcomes are associated with girls who mature early. (check the studies here, here, here and here).

After all, poor mental health outcomes are associated with girls who mature early Share on X

The girls mental health crisis has long been blamed on not enough resources and not enough sharing about our experiences, but I’d argue it’s the opposite: we’re giving our girls too much too soon, falling prey to consumerism, outsourcing them to every mental health professional the moment they face an adversity, and sharing too many intimate things about their personal lives and sports journeys online.

Young girls are being taught to rely on the internet for affirmation and self confidence.

Freya India, writer of the blog GIRLS, wrote a powerful article on how to help our girls with their sense of self and confidence:

“We can prioritize play. We can delay entry to social media platforms until at least 16. We can encourage young people to just hang out with each other, without supervision and without smartphones.”

The carefree nature of childhood can be restored. Girls can delay growing up fast. This will only help their mental health – less worries, less anxiety, more social interaction and less isolation, and most critically, more love, more play, more focusing on the present moment.

This will only help their mental health - less worries, less anxiety, more social interaction and less isolation, and most critically, more love, more play, more focusing on the present moment. Share on X

On Confidence

“She needs to build her confidence,” is a common statement I hear from parents.

So they ask me if they should hire a mental health coach or online confidence coach at age 10.

Let’s look at the Oxford definition of confidence:

a feeling of self-assurance arising from one’s appreciation of one’s own abilities or qualities.

So where can this self assurance come from? How can you get your girl to realize her abilities and trust in them?

Is it through sparkly affirmations and “I am…” post it notes on her bathroom mirror?

Or is it through experience and overcoming daily challenges to actually realize what she is made of?

Is it through exposing her to a variety of activities and hobbies, rather than a single sport, so she can navigate different social situations, personalities, and tasks?

When girls grow up too fast, they miss the opportunity for true confidence that is birthed from play.

When girls grow up too fast, they miss out on problem solving in the natural, playful world.

When girls grow up too fast, they are robbed of the richness of childhood negotiations and arguments with kids on the playground.

When girls grow up too fast, they miss development of their EQ – emotional intelligence.

When girls grow up too fast, they are handed the privileges of adulthood, without earning them and aiming for something.

When girls grow up too fast, they are fixated and anxious about the future, and are robbed of the joy of the present moment.

When girls grow up too fast, they have less confidence.

So you push adult pressures on them young, and then you wonder by age 15 your girl has confidence issues. Not only that, but she’s an anxious mess, and anytime adversity strikes, her world comes crashing down.

So you panic again. You decide to outsource. You hire a mental health coach, or join a Facebook group of other desperate moms, looking to boost your daughter’s confidence. You realize these Facebook groups aren’t helping…they’re nothing but echo chambers with no actionable, lasting solutions.

And the mental health coach running these groups uses the typical tools like affirmation, visualization, and maybe some energy and meditation work.

Again, you realize these tools work for a moment in time, but aren’t lasting.

You realize that meditation was an escape from reality. Sure, it helped her get calm, but what happens when she goes back to the world? What now when something terrible happens? What now when her confidence is tested again?

You realize that maybe, just maybe your daughter could’ve gained more confidence in childhood by getting out into the world, and not growing up too fast in structured sports settings, getting on social media too soon, and thinking about college too soon.

You realize she could’ve jumped into a boys baseball game in the neighborhood, or taught herself to pogo stick.

Or race against her brother, beat him, and realize her true speed potential.

A girl can only become confident when she experiences a skill applied, and overcomes an insurmountable task. That’s when she realizes what she’s made of.

Confidence doesn’t come from a mental coach telling you how amazing you are or that you are enough.

True belief in oneself comes from overcoming challenge, not a woo-woo feel good affirmation and form of escapism.

True belief in oneself comes from overcoming challenge, not a woo-woo feel good affirmation. Share on X

I’m not saying positive self talk and affirmations aren’t beneficial. They are only tools in the toolbox and must be used strategically, not relied on solely. Affirmations must be used alongside tasks that encompass challenge and discomfort.

Beauty, TikTok and Trends

I get you’re here because this is a female athlete performance blog, but I promise this relates.

Young girls are exposed to the idea of growing up too fast through the beauty industry. On social media, they’re blasted with content that their beauty and skin are flawed so they must start doing routines, treatments and procedures young. And I’m talking middle school young.

Take the retinol trend. To put honestly, it’s downright disgusting.

Retinol is a Vitamin A derivative and is a topical skincare ingredient for improving fine lines and wrinkles. Yes, you heard that right: middle school girls are being encouraged to use retinol products.

First and foremost, young girls have enough collagen in their skin. They don’t need a product to “boost collagen.” The fact that they’re using it as preventative is bs, too, and extremely risky when you apply it to your skin for all of your middle school and teenage years.

Using retinol young disrupts female hormonal health, as it can negatively impact thyroid development. Additionally, it can cause weathered, thinning, and red skin when they’re older and actually negate the collagen boosting effects. It needs to be saved for the 30+ year-olds. Again, this is another classic example of FOMO and growing up too fast, without thinking about the long-term consequences when an adult.

Or what about the botox trend for girls in their early 20s? Plastic surgeons prey on young women and tell them if they don’t start in their early 20s they will age faster. So to get ahead of their competition and look better than others, young women get this preventative botox, only to realize when they get to their 30s, they aged faster and actually look worse.

Plus, their bank accounts are empty, their savings and retirement non-existent, because they wasted money on a treatment they didn’t need. It’s money down the drain.

The current beauty trends pushed onto girls too young is problematic.

In childhood, girls frontal lobes aren’t fully developed, so when they are constantly told they need to do more, look better, and be prettier, they never stop trying to fix themselves.

They continue to aim for this idea of “perfect” and it’s hard to shake. It will never be enough in their eyes, and this is something they’ll be a prisoner to the rest of their lives.

Personally, the less I’ve tried to live up to beauty trends online, the more confident I’ve become.

Instead of relying on a quick fix or injection, I put in the work to be healthy and vibrant with exercise, nutrition, and sleep. It’s more fulfilling putting in these consistent reps day in and day out. My confidence has shined because my internal health is dialed in. Not only is it amazing for my health, but also, my athletic performance.

Girl athletes can either rely on quick fixes for confidence, or focus on becoming their healthiest, strongest selves for sports and for a lifetime.

Short Term Gratification, Long-Term Costs

If there’s anything you get from this article, it’s to understand your desire for short term gratification. Are you doing this with your girl?

Are you growing her up too fast with her sport, college aspirations and responsibilities, beauty standards, and more?

And are you thinking through your weakness for instant gratification and how this is impacting your daughter’s mental health?

When we were kids, none of us ever wanted to grow up. Just like Peter Pan, we never wanted the responsibility because it was too much to bear. We never thought even a day in advance. We were truly present.

The joy that is childhood is something that can’t be revisited. It’s one and done.

And it’s up to you if you want your girl to take her time, play, learn to problem solve, express her creativity, build true confidence, and enjoy the present moment.

 

 

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