How To Wake Up and Find Your Power Again

How To Wake Up and Find Your Power Again

I thought I was in control.

Strong, independent, free thinking…I thought nothing could manipulate me. I was 17-years-old, though, and felt invincible like nothing could take over my empowered, individualized essence.

I guess you can say my control slipped away gradually, without any awareness it was happening. It was taken bit by bit, with sprinkles of romance and hope to distract me from the slow, subtle brainwash.

It started with sly, tiny acts of emotional jabs.

“Why are you hanging out with your friends and not me?” he asked sternly.

This was the first red flag, but I brushed it under the rug and excused it as, “oh, he just cares about me and wants to spend more time together.”

Days of gift showering, high school adventures after dark, love bombs, and elating highs went by, so I continued to think nothing of the first interrogation.

Then, the next layer came in, but this time, it was with my own family.

“You’re choosing dinner with your parents over me?” he pressed.

Second red flag, with something not feeling right in the pit of my stomach, a gut twisting feeling.

Alas, I still brushed it under the rug as, “oh, he just wants to spend more time together. He loves me.”

More days of exuberant romance sparkled back, and I still hung on because I was addicted to the hope, the future being bright, the light at the end of the tunnel.

Even during the meager moments of questioning, still, I shook them off like they were nothing.

But then…they compounded into more hurtful words.

“You’re so selfish for having other guy friends,” he raised his voice on me.

Selfish? Am I selfish?

I felt ashamed, but maybe he was right, maybe I was being selfish.

Months went by and he kept the emotional punches coming.

“You’re such a loser. You hang out with band nerds.”

But I thought being in band was something to be applauded. Am I loser? 

Maybe I am. I doubted myself even more.

He had a field day and kept the insults coming.

“You’re always late.”

“You’re constantly screwing up.”

“You’re never dressed up enough.”

“You’re ugly.”

Emotionally, I became fatigued, unable to fight back, and a brain so distressed, I had total lack of awareness of not only myself, but the danger of the situation.

I had blinders on that clouded my ability to think critically, constantly in fight or flight mode on the defense. And little by little, he knew instilling fear in me got my out of my power.

He had me. He was in control.

But the crystals from Swarovski, the opulent fine dining dinners, the overwhelming attention and affirmations kept me sucked in, unable to escape.

Things will get better, he has shown me his good side, he can do me no wrong.

But it was an evil side disguised as angelic, with gifts, empty promises and false hope.

I’m sure you can guess what happened: it got worse.

Though my mind convinced me it was going to improve since the good days were amazing, they were an illusion. In fact, they were a classic example of Stockholm Syndrome, being attached to my abuser, defending him as good for me, and having my best interest in mind for stability and security in the relationship.

Alas, it was wool over my eyes that clouded the truth.

What it really was, was an endless cycle of bliss and dopamine hits, coupled with depression and serotonin dumps. Every day, I would wake up and live in fear of who he was going to be that day – my savior or my abuser? I was constantly anxious, living for the next day, next month, and wondering if it would get better.

If any of you read my Soccer Saved My Life article (HERE) you know it got physical. I’ll spare the details in this piece, but it got so physically abusive I had to go to the doctor for a face X-ray to check if I had broken bones under my eyes.

Through all of the heaviness and darkness, though, the light shined through.

In my most brainwashed state, with mental blind spots and unawareness, I started to do some digging.

I typed into the Google search: emotional and physical abuse.

I stumbled upon an article on Stockholm Syndrome first, and I read through the psychology behind it, and how it is easy for an abuser to rope a victim in, hold them hostage, and have the victim defend their integrity. I remember finishing the article and saying to myself, ‘this is me.’

All of the red flags I researched in abusive relationship articles were what I experienced in the exact order: honeymoon phase of overwhelming attention, wanting to be with me constantly, concerned for my safety and how I spent my time, forced isolation from my loved ones, one minute nice, the other minute infuriated, battering of my past behaviors, and then physical abuse as the grand finale.

Researching all of this information pulled me away from my emotional response that kept me stuck in the relationship, and moved me into my logical response that allowed me to escape.

Researching all of this information pulled me away from my emotional response that kept me stuck in the relationship, and moved me into my logical response that allowed me to escape. Click To Tweet

In fact, your heart can keep you trapped in dangerous situations, and your mind and critical thought can set you free.

Anyone is susceptible to psychological manipulation, even the smartest, most independent, most confident human beings. This is why I’m sharing my story, and my hope is to inspire others to dig for truth.

What I see now in 2020 is the classic execution of abusive behavior, and it’s an unending tug of war of “if you listen, then it will get better.”

Stay inside. Mask up. Stay inside again. Wear goggles. Don’t celebrate the holidays. Keep gatherings under 10.

“If you listen…it will go back to normal.”

We all did.

Everything was closed. Streets were empty. Bars were dark. Cities were ghost towns. All for a solid THREE months worldwide. Mind you, this all should’ve been “two weeks of flatten curve.”

Even the people who don’t like to wear masks, still stayed home, wore masks in stores, and obeyed March-June, yet they continue to be battered for their past behavior by their leaders, and eventually the repetitive messaging turned their peers against them.

Too, this year is also gaslighting at its best because you’re selfish for being healthy, getting outside, traveling and living your life. Expounding further, if you don’t wear a mask you’re a killer or a biological weapon, but what if you have a medical condition in which it limits your oxygen, gives you anxiety and you suffer faint spells? Or you’re a pregnant woman who chooses to breath freely, to bolster respiratory function and oxygen intake for your growing infant inside you? Still, you’re shunned. Still gaslighted for ‘not saving lives.’

I’ve experienced this trick…and it’s the oldest one in the book, and I will no longer fall for it.

Now? Here we are in a messy polarization with people blaming and complaining and turning against one another.

I know this is a tough pill to swallow, but we’re not in this position because a certain group messed up, and it’s not about pointing fingers at one another. If there are any fingers to point, it’s at the media and who is running this manipulative show, controlling all of us, and who is having us cling on to the narrative with false hope. The media and our leaders who are backed by big drug companies, who profit off of our fear and divide, and who have shown to break their own rules.

And if humanity would just read a book, rather than a headline, they’d understand the other things at play – the roll-out of artificial intelligence, the corruption of the Federal Reserve, and the threat to medical freedom.

Alas, the news continues to distract us from these deeper truths hidden in the dark corners of the world.

The news continues to distract us from these deeper truths. Click To Tweet

The joke’s on us!

It’s not about masks vs. non-masks. It’s not about left vs. right. It’s not about U.S. response vs. other countries’ response to the virus. It’s not about Hobbits vs. Dragons.

It’s about humanity coming together and uprising against these hypocritical people and organizations that keep us victims. It’s about searching for truth, and not speaking in absolutes. A good scientist, after all, is someone who continues to solve the puzzle and never, ever speaks in absolutes.

“bUt SciEnCe iZ rEaL!” people exclaim. Yes, it’s very, very real, but it has many perspectives.

We have science playing out now on the reactive side…wear a mask, wear a mask, get a shot, get a shot, take a pill, take a pill.

But no science being executed now on the proactive side…exercise, exercise, eat well, eat well, get sunlight, get sunlight. (Research on Vitamin D and immune function HERE.)

In fact, the reactive side is being pushed, while the proactive side is being censored. Hmm, I wonder why?

Oh, I know!

As long as we are sick, we are lifetime customers. #neuroscience

There’s been no empowering talk on boosting immune function, getting sunlight, moving daily, or connecting with friends. Why not? Because there’s no money or control in those. The human population remains enslaved, rather than empowered.

Too, there’s been no talk on the mental and social duress on children. Why not?

Because they don’t care about future generations, and it’s been made clear they want to condition kids to fear themselves, each other, and the outside world. There’s something really fishy about youth sports being canceled, yet liquor stores, McDonald’s, and Dunkin Donuts remain open. I don’t like the smell of that at all.

Alas, I digress.

When you’ve been to hell and back like I have, your mission becomes waking others up to the truth of what is happening on a psychological level. A messed up, dark level, and one that I experienced so hard that I refuse to shy away from taking a stand for humanity and younger generations.

Sometimes, we would rather continue living a lie, than admit we’ve been duped. Sometimes, we would rather hide, than speak up for our rights. Sometimes, we would rather play it safe, than step into our purpose.

Maybe this article triggers you, and maybe you’ll cancel me, but I can’t for the life of me see kids grow up in a world of fear and psychological abuse. I have everything to lose for speaking out, which means my agenda isn’t as slimy as the lamestream media.

Yes, the searching for truth is uncomfortable.

But it sets you free.

Disclaimer: none of this is to say I think the virus is FAKE. It is real, very real, but it is possible to take a middle of the road view, empower humanity to focus on immune function, as well as take back their independence and make their health their choice.

This ICU nurse sums it up perfectly:

More resources for you to research, put your heart strings aside, and think critically:

Crucial COVID Update: Is the Hysteria Warranted?

Charles Eisenstein: COVID-19 Is A Rehab Intervention

Face Covering Fact and Contradictions

Dr. Alan Preston: The Meaning Behind Skyrocketing COVID Cases

Research Study: Respiratory Consequences of N-95 Mask Usage in Pregnant Healthcare Workers

“Volumes of oxygen consumption (VO2) and carbon dioxide expired (VCO2) were also significantly reduced; VO2 by 13.8 % (95 % CI −24.2 % to −3 %, p = 0.013) and VCO2 by 17.7 %, (95 % CI −28.1 % to −8.6 %, p = 0.001). Although no changes in the inspired oxygen and carbon dioxide concentrations were demonstrated, breathing through N95-mask materials during low intensity work (3 MET) reduced expired oxygen concentration by 3.2 % (95 % CI: −4.1 % to −2.2 %, p < 0.001), and increased expired carbon dioxide by 8.9 % (95 % CI: 6.9 % to 13.1 %; p <0.001) suggesting an increase in metabolism. ”

SciEnCe iZ ReaL.

The Creature from Jekyll Island: A Second Look at The Federal Reserve

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  • Stephen C Brandt
    Posted at 18:58h, 22 November Reply

    or the line we are all in it together? hahahahahahha

    • erica
      Posted at 22:34h, 22 November Reply

      Make a message repetitive enough, and it becomes reality

  • Janet Riffe
    Posted at 15:31h, 23 November Reply

    Thank you for this. Very well stated. This message needs to be shared far and wide.

    • erica
      Posted at 15:32h, 23 November Reply

      Thank you so much for reading and being open to the larger picture. I hope others wake up

    • Mick
      Posted at 00:43h, 24 November Reply

      Very powerful! Thank you for sharing this my friend. It is truly thought provoking and resonates on so many levels!

      • erica
        Posted at 00:59h, 24 November Reply

        Thank you! It’s time to stand up! 🙂 Who is with me?! 🙂

  • Eugenia Bradssha
    Posted at 17:53h, 23 November Reply

    Thank You Erica for your blog. We live in a country where we should be able to have a conversation and opinion without condemning each other. and still respect each other. The facts are the facts and I feel like they are being censored depending on who is putting out the information. There are mixed signals all over the place and fear seems to be the driving force. There are club sports going on but schools are canceling sports, and the list goes on. Covid is real and we need to take the politics out and put the human factor back in for the good of all of us.

    • erica
      Posted at 18:03h, 23 November Reply

      Thank you so much for reading. I appreciate your opinion and being open to all perspectives and not the driving force of fear and media. Thank you for being the light!

  • Jared Markiewicz
    Posted at 20:02h, 23 November Reply

    Not only do I love the message Erica, I really appreciate the resources. I’ll be honest, I haven’t yet watched or read what you posted but looking forward to it. This is stance I have been taking with our clients and my friends since the beginning and now it’s become a question of what side I’m politically on. Frustrating when my passion is to make the humans I can impact better each day, be it adults or kids, but very few in power have that intention.

    • erica
      Posted at 21:41h, 23 November Reply

      Thank you so much, Jared! I appreciate you. I want to hammer home in this piece there is a FAR GREATER issue at play than us fighting over politics. In the end, most of us want the same things, but we can get distracted by news narrative and arguments to the point we forget our values. Hope this helps and enjoy the resources !

  • Wade Houchin
    Posted at 17:59h, 14 December Reply

    Great stuff Queen 👑👊

  • Wade Houchin
    Posted at 18:28h, 14 December Reply

    Well written Queen 👑👏👏👏

    • erica
      Posted at 18:57h, 14 December Reply

      thank you!!!!

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