Be A Leader of Queens: How Coaches Can Serve Themselves To Help Their Female Athletes

Be A Leader of Queens: How Coaches Can Serve Themselves To Help Their Female Athletes

What’s that old saying?

You have to put on your oxygen mask first so you can save your baby. If you can’t breathe, how can you save the infant?

This rings true in all areas of life: the more you take care of yourself, the more you show up in your power, with full confidence and care. When you show up as your unstoppable self, you are able to show up for others.

Being a coach to young girls is hard.

For one, you’re working with kids during their most impressionable years, and you don’t want to screw up. You want to them to develop them as players, as well as build them into strong humans. You want to leave a lasting impact beyond the pitch.

You also are expected to be on all the time, even in your most trying times. It doesn’t matter if you had a fight with your spouse, or had a crappy day at work, you still have to be there for your players at training as your vibrant, full of energy, motivational self.

Too, you are pressured to to win, to attend the best tournaments, to produce the best team.

You need your players healthy not just for the wins, but also to avoid the detrimental mental impact on young girls being sidelined.

You have to travel, spend time away from your own needs, your own family, only to get chased down in the parking lot after a loss with a parent screeching, “why didn’t my daughter get playing time!?”

Then, you get home to your family and they need you to show up for them with love. You’re exhausted. You just want to throw in a frozen meal and plop on the couch and zone out.

You begin to lounge, melt into the couch with glorious relaxation, only to get an email notification on your phone from an angry parent.

Coaching is hard.

And trust me, I’ve had my fair share of “oh crap!” moments when I felt I wasn’t showing up as my best self, for my players and their parents.

I’ve had my failures, setbacks, and crying marathons.

I’m emotional, no doubt.

And maybe you are, too.

Maybe you’re so overwhelmed at times, you boil up with emotions because you hold all the stress inside. You muster up every ounce of your being to be strong and courageous.

Or maybe you feel behind, hungry for more, eager to learn how to serve your young girls even better. You feel you aren’t doing enough.

Truthfully, I believe every coach has some degree of imposter syndrome, like they are inadequate or not qualified enough to do their jobs and work with young girls. Most coaches are highly competitive, analytical, some Type A, who always want to improve, and who are critical of themselves.

It’s not a bad thing.

The beauty of coaching is just that – leaning into the continuous pursuit of studying the game, the body and exercise science, behavioral psychology, motivation, and every piece of performance that impacts young female athletes on and off the field.

All coaches have the opportunity to be leaders to young queens, and to build girls into strong, powerful and confident women. It’s a blessing.

So how do you serve yourself? How do you pour love into you so it permeates to your female athletes’ performance? How do you prepare them for the full match, as well as the sport of life?

A blueprint I’ve developed over the years to help coaches is this:


This is your “why.” This is your greater mission to serve and to impact. Your purpose comes from your personal story of growth, and one that you want to share with your young athletes.


This is how you behave when you aren’t in front of your players. This is how you live your life behind closed doors. This is the culmination of your daily habits that impact how you show up for your players, as well as be your healthiest, sharpest, most creative self.

Are you well slept?

Is your body nourished and energized?

Do you have time for loved ones and friends?

Do you have time away from the pitch to enjoy the richness of life?

Are you managing your stress?

Are you making time for self care, like massages, walks, other hobbies?


This is your skill set – knowledge of the X’s and O’s of the game, and continuing education on player development. Chances are, this is your best category and one that you focus on a lot.

But beyond the tactical and technical craft, what about the physical?

Are your players healthy?

Are your players fast and strong?

Are you players recovering and sharp for competition?

Are you learning about growth and maturation of the female athlete?

Are you able to articulate to your girls the benefits of strength training?

Are you making time for performance in your sessions?

The Blend of Purpose, Lifestyle and Craft

I urge you to rank these categories and take inventory of how you’re filling each one. If you’re dialed in, rank a 10/10. If you’re slacking, rank closer to 0/10.

You’ll find that there is a massive imbalance between the three, so reflect on why you aren’t pouring more love into a category, and write down some actionable items to improve it.

I’ll dive in more in a separate blog post on how you can take action to improve the quality of your life, get clear on your purpose, and continue to serve your young female athletes.

Remember, these girls look up to you for guidance not just in sports, but in life.

Get the Total Youth Female Athlete Fitness video course, as well as join our private Facebook community to learn how to teach female athletes strength technique, speed, and change of direction mechanics for injury reduction and performance, as well as learn about growth and maturation considerations, menstrual cycle, nutrition, and so much more HERE


To train with me in Tampa, Florida for private, small group and team soccer speed, strength and conditioning training, CONTACT ME HERE.

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