12 Apr The Unending Cycle of Self Care Practices: How They’re Ruining Female Athletes
Anxiety creeps in. The world crumbles. You fail. You’re in a rut.
*cue the mental skills gurus*
“Do you affirmations!”
“Meditate!”
“Journal!”
“Put motivational sticky notes on your bathroom mirror!”
“Meditate again!”
“Remove negativity!”
“Rub essential oils on yourself!”
“Get energy healing done!”
“Go to the spa!”
…then more anxiety rears it’s ugly head.
The gurus chime in again:
“Do you affirmations!”
“Meditate!”
“Journal!”
“Meditate again!”
“Remove negativity!”
“Rub essential oils on yourself!”
“Get energy healing done!”
“Go to the spa!”
…and it becomes an unending, cyclic pattern of seeking more positivity and relief. But does it ever truly stay? Have you ever felt truly free and fulfilled from doing these practices?
It’s certainly something to ponder.
When young female athletes feel anxiety, these are some of the tips gurus provide.
When they have a bad game, they’re immediately blasted with fluffy, feel good solutions.
When they’re going through a rock bottom time, they’re allured by influencers who market and sell a sparkly message.
When they’re stressed in athletics and academics, they’re overwhelmed with “experts.”
They’re cajoled to do woo-woo mindset coaching programs. They’re asked to make a laundry list of actions to alleviate their pain. Download this guided meditation app. Don’t forget your self talk. Rid your mind of negativity. Do a morning routine. Delete negative people.
Do you ever truly escape into a land of no hardship, no anxiety, no stress, no heartbreak, no challenges, no tough conversations, no negativity?
The people who practice the most self care and execute these practices over and over again, are oftentimes, the most chaotic people.
The truth is, these practices provide temporary relief. They’re a constant seeking, and they’re not rooted in reality. Female athletes still need to learn to brave the world. They still need to immerse themselves in the richness of life – all of its ups, downs, and oscillations.
I’m very picky when it comes to who I send my female athletes to for mental skills coaching. There are a lot of charlatans out there promising that feel good, quick solution. But, there are some doing it right and keeping girls rooted in reality of life’s ebbs and flows, and providing actionable solutions – Shay Haddow, Breanne and Kristine Smedley, and Dan Abrahams are a few I recommend. But be wary of others providing false teachings.
Of course none of this is to say I’m against all self care, as I’ve always been a huge fan of sitting in silence and nasal breathing to calm myself, but it doesn’t work unless applied under duress – right before a game, a meeting, a speaking engagement, or when someone cuts you off on the highway. It also becomes problematic when you use these practices to constantly chase relaxation that is not always there to stay.
Oh, and that 15-minute meditation means nothing when immediately after your magical escape, you go to school, only to find yourself in the same stress you were trying to avoid.
Female athletes, you need to feel pain at times. It’s okay. Life isn’t about repressing emotions and deleting negativity. It’s about feeling your emotions and expressing yourself, and trusting the process.
This sets you free.
You have to learn to feel bad. You have to learn to accept the rut you’re experiencing. You have to learn to face the hard truth called reality.
Everyone wants to escape. Everyone wants to empty their mind. Everyone wants to ignore the world when things get bad.
The problem with endless self care practice is it becomes a cycle of seeking more and slapping a band-aid on, rather than pouring trust into the journey.
Everyone seeks peace by adding more to the to-do list, but then it becomes a turbulent practice of continuing to chase that feel good feeling.
Sometimes, female athletes need to accept the volatility of sports and life. They need to chuckle, not take it too seriously, and trust it will all work out.
They need to look at the tough times with wonder and awe. Because those tough times? They make the good times far more elating.
Female athletes, you don’t need more feel good fluff. You need more faith.
Female athletes, you don't need more feel good fluff. You need more faith. Share on X
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