21 Oct Why You’ll Never Reach Success
Right off the bat, let’s get fucking pessimistic: you’ll never reach success.
While this may sound like I’m an opening line from Debbie Downer, it’s one of those light-a-fire-under-your-ass messages.
I mean come on. Do you really think I’m here to cheer you on and sugarcoat that life is a perfect unicorn that shits sparkles?
Fuck outta here.
With that said, if you’ve read this blog for a length of time, you’re someone who:
1. Enjoys tough love.
2. Appreciates profanity.
3. Needs a fierce call-to-action on the reg.
So, thank you. You’re awesome.
You’re also not soft.
Not only that, but you realize success is a multi-layered topic and you’re curious to learn more. Whether this is regarding team sports, personal fitness, athletic development, relationships, or career, success is a vague term.
You see, “success” is a funky topic. There’s a multitude of components that go into it, let alone, there’s a plethora of definitions to it based on who you are and how you define success.
Let’s dive in.
How Do YOU Define Success?
This much I know: everyone on this planet defines success differently.
Somewhere out there, there’s a woman who sees success as getting married, having kids, raising a family, and never stepping foot outside of her country.
Somewhere out there, there’s a woman who sees success as staying single, traveling the world, building a business, and never finding the love of her life.
Somewhere out there, there’s a woman who sees success as getting married, having kids, building a business, and struggling to find balance between home and work.
Somewhere out there, there’s a man who sees success as getting a 9-to-5 on Wall Street, blowing lines of cocaine on a yacht, stashing away thousands in retirement, and being in a constant state of stress at work.
Somewhere out there, there’s a man/woman who’s a millionaire work-a-holic, married, but never sees his/her spouse and kids.
Somewhere out there, there’s a man who sees success as being a freelance photographer, moving from country-to-country, not saving a penny for retirement, and barely making bills each month.
Excuse my French, but what. The. Actual. Fuck.
To that end, everyone defines “success” differently. And within everyone’s frame of success, there are still imperfections. Put simply, everyone’s unique “success” comes with sacrifices.
So how do we know what is “right” and what is “wrong”? How do we know when a human being is “successful”?
Truthfully, there’s no “right” or “wrong” here. There’s only what vibes with you.
2. We never know when we actually reach success.
Humans are funny.
We’re never satisfied. We’re always seeking growth. We’re constantly evolving.
How do we know when we reach success?
Again, we don’t.
As an example, somewhere out there, there’s a man who is going for his second Master’s Degree.
Somewhere out there, there’s an author writing their 10th book.
Somewhere out there, there’s a millionaire looking for his next investment.
Somewhere out there, there’s a man purchasing his 100th spiritual book.
Somewhere out there, there’s a woman buying more crystals to reach her “center.”
It’s funny because all these life coaches are preaching “fuck perfectionism” when every human on this planet is a perfectionist.
Perfectionism is about wanting more, and last I looked, humans always crave more. We set the bar high and are walking perfectionists:
We want more status.
More job responsibility.
More self improvement.
More emotional connection.
More insightful relationships.
But you know what’s funnier?
It’s totally okay to strive for perfectionism and want more. Alas, this is the beauty of being human.
In fact, being stagnant is not in our nature. It’s woven in us to improve and strive for growth. And with growth, comes doing or wanting more.
Expounding further, I don’t think “perfectionism” is a bad thing. But what becomes toxic is when we expect to reach it. In other words, people who want to reach a point of “success” in their lives when they can sit back, relax, and enjoy a margarita on the beach.
…Which never happens.
I remember one of my friends lecturing me when I was overwhelmed as fuck with my business.
He comforted me with this gem: “Erica, there will never be a point in your life when you will sit back, relax, and say, ‘phew. I made it.'”
Holy. Shit. What an insight this was.
So this bears repeating: success isn’t possible.
Most people on their death beds still say they wish they had done more.
Most people who still work in their 70s, say they want to either travel more, or have more friends.
Most millionaires who still crush the game, say they want to make even more money to invest.
Most moms who still have beautiful families, still feel they should be doing better as mothers.
It. Doesn’t. End.
But allow me to comfort you with this: it’s okay to want more. You’re human, after all.
So given the wiring of the human psyche, success isn’t attainable due to the constant seeking of “more.” We will never feel like we’ve actually “made it.”
Again, totally okay.
Okay, we get it. Are we doomed?
Before you jump to conclusions that your life is in shambles and you’ll never reach “success” hear me out.
Life, too, becomes about moving with the flow of the tide. As spiritual and hipster as this sounds, it’s true.
No amount of crystals, binaural beats, meditation, abundance thoughts, and vegan food can save you from the oscillations.
So I urge you: lean into the fucking process – the ups, the downs, the victories, the losses, the sales, the bankruptcies, the amazing friends, the shitty people – lean into the fullness of life.
But bounce back.
When shit hits the fan, can you pivot with fervor into a new direction?
Otherwise, you’re not meant for planet Earth. Get the fuck out.
And if you’re still with me, as long as you’re here, you’re buckling up for one hell of a ride. Might as well find enthrallment in it.
But moreover, might as well find comfort in knowing that success isn’t truly possible.
The relief, right?