09 Nov Stop Being Hard on Yourself
Last night after coming home from the Jay Cutler Classic, I felt kind of shitty. Not competing in a fitness show this year and seeing all the bikini girls glowing in their tans, flaunting their itty-bitty waists, and rocking their rock-hard statuesque physiques, I became nostalgic of that life. And certainly a bit jealous. It was one of those I’m-surrounded-by-skinny-betches and I’m over here like ‘I just ate a pumpkin muffin and imbibed a venti salted caramel mocha for breakfast” moments. LOL.
Running into an old friend back stage, she enthusiastically bombarded me with comments like “OMG it’s my first show and I love this life!” or “I feel so ripped…and healthy…and beautiful.” Immediately, these comments sent shock waves through my body, actually reminding me of the blurry, troubled mindset of the bikini life. In the midst of me being my leanest ever as a bikini competitor, I remember telling all my friends HOW AMAZING I FELT too. But the truth? I was exhausted, unhappy, and burnt out. It was a defense mechanism to justify my pursuit toward perfectionism. Sure, the bikini life was rewarding, allowing me to hone in on my willpower and fierce determination, until both reached their apex. Then, I crumbled. A 25 pound weight gain post show left me with feeling inadequate at best…and not perfect anymore.
Now being a year out of the bikini competition game, I realize that PERFECTIONISM IS A TRAP. I’m sorry, but #fuckperfectionism.
It holds us back from self love, productivity, and happiness. So stop being so friggin’ hard on yourself because just being you is always enough. Here is how perfectionism effs us all and what we can do:
1.) Perfectionism makes you fear judgement.
What others think can be scary and disorienting. So we put our tail between our legs, remain averse to risk taking, and hide our authenticity. Somewhere out there, there’s a woman afraid to speak up in a work meeting. Somewhere out there, there’s a man afraid to ask for a well-deserved promotion. Somewhere out there, there’s a little girl afraid to raise her hand in class. Somewhere out there, there’s a woman terrified to start lifting weights because she’ll get too bulky. I get it. These are all natural human occurrences that happen as a result of the fear of vulnerability and consequence of “WHAT WILL THEY THINK!”
Showing your true self to the world is a service to others. Though scary at first, putting your chips on the table, is the stepping stone to growth. And growing and learning gives you confidence. And confidence encourages more productivity. It’s a chain reaction to start GETTING SHIT DONE. And worst case scenario? People criticize you. But be open to suggestions and use it as a way to evolve.
2.) Perfectionism makes you stall.
Imagine a world where everyone waited for the right moment. Would Steve Jobs have created Apple? Would Kanye have married Kim? Would Hitler have prevailed in WWII?! HAHAHA. Sorry, I but seriously! Perfectionists prefer the fragile approach and use it as an excuse to not be productive. A year ago before I started this blog, I wanted the perfect website layout. The perfect domain name. The perfect ideas for content. The perfect photography. Until I realized for months I was holding myself back. The day came when I said, “READY…AIM…FIRE” and didn’t blink once. My articles weren’t perfect then, and neither are they now, but showing up daily as is keeps the momentum fresh and my confidence soaring.
Take radical action. Like immediately. Like RIGHT NOW. And then you’ll see over time, you build confidence by just doing shit. Consistently writing, speaking up, training, eating clean, studying, taking charge…they all hold tremendous power for long-lasting productivity.
3.) Perfectionists want the linear path.
We want certainty. Great. But that’s also a trap. I know this is a bitter pill to swallow, but the path of life is in oscillation. It’s never comfortable, easy, or safe. Perfectionists crave something that is predictable, which sets us up for disappointment. Sure, I can give my friends a weight loss plan, in fact, anyone can google one. *BUT* your body isn’t going to have a black-and-white response. Life is in motion at all times, with uncertainty around every corner.
Stop trying to control life. Know that things will never go as planned, but you will become more resilient after you appreciate the nuances. Be transformative and adaptable.
Okay. Done. Life is still happening, right? You’re still alive, right? Excellent. 🙂
My single piece of advice is: you are good enough in this moment. So allow the chips to fall beautifully into place, without overthinking, analyzing, and playing to perfectionism.