How To Know You’re In An Abusive Relationship

How To Know You’re In An Abusive Relationship

Step one: check his penis size. Is it smaller than a baby carrot?

Step two: check his muscle size. Can you squat more than him?

Step three: check his ego. Does he belittle who you are at your core?

Step four: check his security. Is he threatened by your success?

Upon starting a new relationship, these are some initial signs to keep on your radar. Especially when the romance is fresh, the passion exhilarating, and the infatuation dazzling, it’s easy to brush early red flags under the rug. Pretty much, you have no idea the type of man he is – prince charming or a villain.

But how could you have any idea? He calls you gorgeous, showers you with extravagant dates, takes you on shopping sprees to Swarovski, and claims you’re the best thing that’s happened to him.

The next day, however, he seems off. He makes subtle remarks about you looking ugly, he gets infuriated if you make other plans that don’t involve him, and he ignores you when you talk about your passions. In fact, he considers this selfish of you.

Alas, it’s okay. He even apologized. He will change and tomorrow will be better.


Months pass by and you’re still strapped in an emotional roller coaster that peaks in elation and bliss, but then drops in shame and suffering. One day you’re the queen on his throne, and the next day you’re the dog shit on his shoe.

But it’s STILL OK. You hold onto what provides you with happiness – the compliments, the gifts, the beautiful dates, the security.

Suffice it to say: abusive relationships are shitty. They’re like going into war naked with nothing but a pocket knife and a box of tampons.

(Don’t ask)

Even the strongest of women aren’t prepared to fight an abuser’s manipulative ways. It downright sucks. And I’ve been there before – the emotional and physical abuse, as well as the aftermath that ruffled my confidence for years to come. Not to mention, serious considerations to hire a body guard and install a home camera system with my bare hands. You think I’m kidding? This is real fucking life.

So what does this have to do with fitness? Well, you should be physically strong to fight back and fuck dudes up, duh.


As a fitness professional and soccer coach, it’s my mission to bring awareness of abusive relationships to the young girls and women I see on a daily basis. Strength = confidence = high self worth.

Women must realize their self worth so red flags are a breeze to catch. What’s more is those who breathe confidence in their physical and mental strength will thrive against an abusive partner and will find it much easier to flee.


Without further ado, here are the top 5 signs you’re in an abusive relationship:

1.) He has a bad relationship with women.
Nothing shouts “red flag” more than a man who has a bad relationship with his mom, sister, or other women. He could refer to them as “high maintenance” or “needy” or “bitchy.” Worse yet, he claims he has tried to be close with them, but puts all the blame on them for the failures of the relationship.

Also pay attention to how he speaks of women as a whole. Does he demean them? Does he call them worthless? Does he believe women should be submissive and quiet?

2.) He isolates you from friends.
God forbid you have a guy’s number in your phone, even if it’s your best gay friend. An abuser will make you feel guilty for not putting him first, claiming “you don’t care about him enough.” Even worse, if you choose to do your own thing on the weekend with your friends, his world will go up in flames. And it will be all your fault. He may call you things like “disloyal” or “selfish” or “flaky.”

3.) He doesn’t trust you.
Remember that guy you hooked up with 10 million years ago? Yeah. Your abusive partner will hold it against you. If you have a promiscuous past, you know, like ANY NORMAL HUMAN who wants to fuck, you will never hear the end of it. In fact, he gets satisfaction in picking fights with you over stuff like this. This is the most obvious sign of his  insecurity small testicles that aren’t man enough to handle you anyways.

4.) He belittles your core personality traits.
At first, he will extol you for your independence and uniqueness. You’re a free spirit? He loves it! Until eventually, he sees it as a threat to his security. Slowly, he will call your hobbies stupid, ignore your passions, and demean your core personality traits, all in an effort to assert his control over you again.

5.) He gets physical during sex.
It’s hard for me not to punch a wall on this one. Though physical abuse can take MONTHS to kick in, an initial warning sign could occur early on during sexual acts. Does he always want to be in control? Does he want you to do things you’re not comfortable with? Does he hold you down even when you say no? Does he still hold you down even hen you fight back in defense?

Honey, he’s not trying to expand your sexual comfort zone and get you to explore kinky ways. He’s a fucking asshole. So if this happens, leave the room and let him enjoy his blue balls, while you live happily ever after.


To Sum Things Up

So did you check his penis size yet? Could it pass as a massive eggplant emoji?


Okay, this. Is. Getting. Awkward.

If you’re new into a relationship, maybe wait before you dive head first into his boxers. Instead, keep a lookout for the warning signs above. But more importantly, hold onto your self worth and never forget who you are.

One more thing: abusive relationships aren’t reserved for men as the villains. All the red flags remain the same for women too. So you may have to go back and substitute the male pronouns with female pronouns. And penis with vagina. ;-0

Okay, I’m getting graphic.

Much love and strength,

Erica <3

  • Me
    Posted at 01:56h, 04 September Reply

    So, when does your speaking circuit start? Hopefully soon. Women need you….

    • erica
      Posted at 15:36h, 04 September Reply

      I will speak one day!

  • Mike
    Posted at 04:09h, 07 September Reply

    All great points. Can’t argue with you.

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