21 Jul How to Handle Jealousy Toward Others
Let’s take a trip down memory lane to high school prom. No, I won’t ask you to remember your first slow dance or hook-up in the back of a car. Rather, let’s reflect on the pinnacle of our puberty years, when we either wanted to lose our virginity at the prom after-party, or sneak the most alcohol into the limo, or outshine the biatch who wore the SAME EXACT dress at Homecoming. Ugh! How DARE she! She should’ve known I was going to wear a strapless lavender Sherri Hill gown with a detailed inseam.
Wow, we were such STUDS, weren’t we?
I look back to high school as a profound character building time, but also my most insecure era, possessing the deepest sense of jealousy a girl could have. Certainly envy toward others is a normal human reaction – in children, high schoolers, and even adulthood. Yes, us adults aren’t off the hook quite yet. In fact, we are walking billboards for envy.
As we grow older, shit has its way of spiraling out of control. There’s just a lot more jealousy to go around for all: Relationships. Friendships. Engagement ring sizes. Careers. Salaries. Car models. Bathroom Tiles. Your friend’s husband’s penis size. YUP. I went there.
Some other common examples of jealousy:
* A friend gets accepted into an Ivy league school, while you only got into unknown state schools.
* A friend is getting fitter than you, while you are sill struggling to lose/maintain your weight.
* You see a colleague get a promotion that you should’ve had because you worked just as hard, if not harder.
* You see your friends getting married, while you’re still single and lonely.
* You see your friend getting all of the attention from the guys at the bar.
* You graduate from college and all of your friends have starting salaries higher than 80K, and you’re struggling to pay bills. Or you’re still unemployed.
How demotivating are these thoughts? When you think like this, do you feel more or less pumped up for life? LESS, am I right? We want to wave the flag. We want to give up. We want to bask in self loathing. We want to do nothing but pout.
But What Can We Do?
Overcoming jealousy is both a perspective and a conscious choice. We have the power to create our own realities, to relinquish some power and move forward with our own paths. And following our own path is the secret ingredient we need to bloom into the most awesome version of ourselves. Because what does anyone else’s success have to do with your own? Zero. They have their journey. You have yours. Ah, I think we are onto something…
Could you maybe put the lens back onto your life, realign with your values, ponder lessons learned, praise yourself for milestones you’ve forged, and obstacles that built your resiliency? This is a mindset I have practiced and continued to master for YEARS. When it comes down to it, I just want to be on my own path. My way. My business. And that’s that. PHEW! What a relief, right? 🙂
And with that, is anyone *really* BETTER than you???? Or more successful? Or smarter? You are a unique individual with UNIQUE talents, and a UNIQUE purpose on this Earth. If we all were following the same purpose, the same path, the same actions…we would be a living form of the movie I-Robot – prosaic, monotonous, and downright creepy. YUCK!
When you come to terms with your authenticity, THAT is confidence.
“True confidence leaves no room for jealousy. When you know you are great, you have no room to hate.” – Nicki Minaj
I no longer get jealous of others for their looks. I am grateful for the strength and beauty of my body, and meet my flaws with understanding. Fixating on jiggling my butt, pinching the flab on my arms, or sucking in my stomach is a losing game, and I lose even more when I become enviable of others’ bodies. Why? Because I deter myself from honing in on my physical strengths. Which I have plenty of!
I don’t envy my friends’ marriages either because I embrace being alone, independent, and carefree in my endeavors. There ain’t anything quite like working from home naked with no one to answer to!
And you guys, I don’t even feel jealous when it comes to my field of work. My role models (most of them my friends in the fitness industry) have over 50,000 followers, have spoken at national conferences, and have blog revenues that could pay off my year’s rent. Anyone want to help? JK! But I still praise them for their success because it doesn’t detract my own ability to succeed in my niche. But also, I’m just building up momentum and that’s where I specifically am in my OWN journey. No rush, no biggie. So I’m over here sitting pretty, learning, evolving, and doing me. Everyone’s good. I’m good. We’re all good. My own process is my pleasure.
Sure this mindset does not come with the bat of an eyelash. It takes years of practice. And years of loving yourself wholeheartedly. So without further ado, here are 4 tools I’ve used to deal with jealousy toward others:
1.) Stop looking at other people’s Facebook pages, photos, and status updates.
My last Facebook stalk sesh was all the way back in 2007. What what!! And by *stalk* I mean combing through someone’s twenty-some photo albums, dating back to when they were in elementary school. You could pretty much name their third cousin. Or you know when they had their last Facebook official relationship. By date. I used to know a girl who would tell me things I MYSELF didn’t know I posted. She stalked me THAT MUCH. WTF??? People have time for this shit??? If people really use their day to peel back my Facebook page, then that’s their problem. But for me, this behavior only encourages jealousy, comparison, and resentment.
And yo. I’m on Facebook a lot. More than all of my friends combined. But what am I doing? I’m producing content, living enthusiastically through the messages I want to send, creating my reality. I have no clue what is going on in my news feed, who’s dating who, who is at the nearest Chipotle, or who just checked into the nail salon. I type statuses, motivational quotes, articles and post photos straight from my phone. Type. Type some more. Click. Then I move on with my day. No news feed. No seeing other people’s pages. Why, you ask? Because I have shit to do! Now that I’m a grown ass woman, I prefer to put effort into my own life, gain back emotional control, and become better at producing content for my career.
2.) Take radical action and DO SOMETHING with your life.
Anything. Taking action and making shit happen shifts the focus back onto yourself. Because you’re too productive to worry about or get jealous toward others. Often times I will write articles, read books, play sports, exercise, meditate, or make it a daily goal to learn something new. Or to make someone smile. Personal action pushes us to search internally for happiness.
3.) Stop giving a fuck what someone else is doing.
“Do not get caught up in someone else’s story to the point where you start writing it.” – Neale Donald Walsch
Always love and care for others, but work on improving yourself first. I love Neale Donald Walsch’s views on the importance of personal development and how it should be our primary life focus. Selfish, right? But get this: Being selfish actually makes you UNSELFISH. Because you’re serving others by working on becoming your highest version – drama free, authentic, and whole – all which will allows us to connect on a much deeper level. Think about it: if we all loved ourselves, stopped worrying about others, there would be no room left for competition. Only openness, gratitude, and warmth.
4.) Put your feelings of inferiority into perspective.
Some common inferiority complexes in today’s world are the salary we make or the schools we attended or the degrees we acquired. Endlessly we pursue the societal standard to be happy, instead of following an unconventional path. What if we become outcasts? What if we become worth LESS? What if we are considered NOT successful? And down the jealous path to comparison we go.
I had a friend who actually chose to lean into the offbeat route. Instead of letting fear and jealousy guide her, while all of her friends were attending Ivy leagues, she decided to turn down the Ivy league school to pursue her physical therapy studies at a small unknown college. In my book, this was the superior path because the Ivy league would diminish her social life, and leave her with feelings of unhappiness and disappointment. So success is really a perspective, isn’t it?
I could go on about this stuff. It’s so freaking controversial! I love it!!
But as always, this article has not lived up to the brevity standard of blogging. So let me know what you think. I would love to hear your opinions about jealousy and how you overcome it on the reg.