01 Apr Female Athletes, Own Your Feminine Power
I used to think being a strong woman was not asking for any help.
I used to think being a strong woman was braving the world on my own.
I used to think being a strong woman was multi-tasking and keeping busy.
I used to think being a strong woman was saying “yes” to everything.
I used to think being a strong woman was based on salary, job titles, and degrees.
Maybe you have these perceptions, too.
Maybe you think you’re doing the right thing and bolstering with independence, yet for some icky reason, you still feel imprisoned with anxiety.
The definition of female empowerment has been a weird one, to say the least. At least for the past decade, society as encouraged you to be on your grind. To not need men. To do everything on your own. To be your own boss. To be tough. To have a hard heart. To be productive. To not take off. To keep going. To keep grinding. To keep training nonstop. To prove your worth and independence.
Don’t get me wrong, a lot of these things have helped me grow my brand into something bigger than myself, and I’ve been able to spread impact worldwide with consistent and relentless messaging, content creation and coaching.
And maybe these tactics have served you too. Your sport performance. Your accolades. Your goals. Your training personal records. Your college sports pursuits.
The current times are truly magical for young women – you can own businesses, hold high positions, dominate your sports, build brands and create companies. Opportunities for women have come a long way since the Alice Paul era, and I’m grateful you can totally rock it and create your dream life and chase your goals.
While sexism still exists in organizations, sports and schools, overall, you have a heck of a lot more opportunity. Looking into the light is a good thing in today’s day and age when everything seems negative all the time.
Reflecting on my own career, a lot of good has blossomed from my autonomy.
I’ve written 700 blogs on youth speed, strength and conditioning. I’ve worked with one athlete all the way to hundreds. I’ve written two books. I’ve created a video course and coaching community and so much more. I’ve mentored coaches worldwide. I spoken at big conferences and conventions.
At the same time…
I’ve had panic attacks. Emergency room visits. Oh-crap moments. Stomach knotting anxiety. Depression. A non-existent social life.
As much success as I have built for myself, admittedly, something still felt off. In the past 9 years, while I was fulfilled in my career, I was empty elsewhere.
Looking back, I’ve been in constant fight or flight – over-stimulated, over-stressed, and over-worked. My nervous system took a bomb for many years, and I ignored my mental and emotional well-being.
To dive deeper, the missing piece was losing my sense of femininity – the receiving, intuitive, and softer parts of my soul.
The majority of society today is masculine energy driven – action oriented, analytical, logical, and productive. This goes for both men and women alike, but for this conversation, I’m talking about you young women who have tapped into masculinity too much that you have forgotten your receptive, creative, and intuitive nature.
Instead of feeling at peace, you’re always stressed. Instead of feeling confident, you’re always looking to prove yourself. Instead of accepting yourself as is, you’re hunting for more. Instead of feeling happy, you’re always outraged. Instead of feeling exuberant and creative, you’re feeling apathetic and flat.
You have forgotten how to relax, observe, receive love, get help, be still, and lean into your womanly power. Within you is Yin and Yang, and both feminine and masculine need to perform an integrative dance so your soul has a harmonious balance.
Relating this to soccer, the game has feminine and masculine components within it – creativity and flow, and tactics and organization. The game wouldn’t be beautiful without a blend of both energies.
Shining light on the individual level, when I see you, young female athlete, I see you dominated by your masculine energy. You’re so robotic and structured and striving for perfection, you forgot how to be free flowing and accepting of life’s oscillations and sport’s spontaneity.
Too, you’re so on your grind and want to constantly be productive, you ignore your self care and recovery.
You’re so over-stimulated and under-rested, you either suffer from sickness, injury or mental burn out.
This is why I urge you to tap into your feminine power again – to remember who you are as an empowered young woman who is beautiful inside and out, who offers more to the world than your label, your position, your job, your degree and your sport and how much you can get accomplished.This is why I urge you to tap into your feminine power again - to remember who you are as an empowered young woman who is beautiful inside and out, who offers more to the world than your label, your position, your job, your degree… Click To Tweet
You’re so empowered that you don’t need any of this to define who you are and make you feel worthy.
You can be who you are, simply and beautifully.
You can treat yourself with care again.
You can be accepting of your authenticity.
To help you reclaim your feminine power, here are several tools to begin equipping yourself with to live a more empowered, fulfilled, and vibrant life.
Let’s do this:
1. Take compliments.
“You played amazing today!”
Ever got this compliment before? Or how about this one…
“You crushed it! Your game winner was epic!”
“You look so pretty!”
How did you receive these compliments? Did you blush and feel embarrassed and brushed them off because you didn’t want the attention? If the answer is ‘yes’ I challenge you to be more open to receiving compliments from others. Instead of ignoring them, accept them, smile and just say, “thank you!”
By being open to compliments, it gets you off the defense, and into the present moment of receiving the love you deserve. Now sit back, take a compliment and feel a sense of tranquility wash over you.
Receiving compliments also boosts your self confidence, and evades you from participating in negative self talk. When someone says, “you look beautiful” instead of mustering up every excuse as to why you don’t, like “oh, well I didn’t sleep well last night…” just accept their compliment and move on.
You have to remember there is so much beauty inside and outside that you offer, and accepting compliments reminds you of that.
2. Purpose over perfection.
The masculine energy in you is controlling and planning every outcome, which sucks you into the perfectionism trap. Of course, you want to plan ahead, have goals, and take action toward them, but what happens when things don’t go your way? Are you floored? Are you frozen in your tracks? Are you shocked things didn’t go as planned?
Perfectionism, as much as you think is a feminine problem, it’s a masculine problem. You’re in fight or flight mode and you put extra pressure on yourself to perform and make things happen, and you expect life to be linear.
Let’s shift your mindset into striving for purpose. Purpose is what lights you up when executing tasks. It could be practicing your soccer skills on your own time because you truly enjoy it. It could be lifting weights because you feel alive and vibrant. You’re not doing the work because you are wanting approval, you’re doing the work because it is greater than yourself. Too, you’re accepting of the undulating nature of life and if things don’t go your way, you flow like water and move in a new, empowered direction.
Kick perfectionism to the curb, find your purpose, and love the process.
3. Dress up.
You’re always in sports clothes.
You’re sweating so much your friends smell you from a mile away.
You soccer socks haven’t been washed in weeks.
You are a walking non-hygienic human.
Except not really.
To take back your feminine power as an athlete, embrace dressing up in outfits that make you feel confident, classy and feminine again.
You can sport a French manicure, while also wearing Adidas.
You can wear a ponytail one day, while also doing loose curls in the evening.
Or you can go full force and wear a dress and heels.
Your masculine energy wants you to grind.
Your masculine energy wants you to go-go-go.
Your masculine energy shouts, “no excuses!”
Your masculine energy also says, “no days off!”
Has being in this stimulated space 24/7/365 ever worked out for you? How long did you churn out your work and training until you reached a point of collapse and total burn out? Injury? Worse?
Your recovery allows you to regain clarity, creativity, focus and motivation, and it also determines how hard you can go on your work days.Your recovery allows you to regain clarity, creativity, focus and motivation, and it also determines how hard you can go on your work days. Click To Tweet
You can hone your recovery by sleeping well, meditating hard, and walking in nature. When you practice these consistently, just feel a rush of energy fill your soul so you can get back to work again with more passion and purpose than you had before.
5. Admire nature.
Speaking of walking in nature, it is important to get outside and enjoy the sunlight, the green, the color, the sounds of water, or the silence of the forest. Spending time outdoors not only is one of your best healers.
Too, it gets your body in a parasympathetic state, and allows you to tap back into your creative magic.
6. Nourish your body.
Your body isn’t a dumpster. It’s a temple.
Beauty comes from the inside out, and in order to feel like the fullest expression of you, who is charged with energy, dazzled with allure and exudes vibrancy, you need to infuse your body with nutrients. Feeling incredible off the pitch is just as important because it permeates into all areas of your life.
If you feel bogged down, heavy, and gross from the food you eat, it negatively impacts your relationships and self confidence. Do everything in your power to take care of the healthy body you were given, and to nourish it with love and the colors of the Earth.If you feel bogged down, heavy, and gross from the food you eat, it negatively impacts your relationships and self confidence. Do everything in your power to take care of the healthy body you were given, and to nourish it with love… Click To Tweet
7. Get off your phone.
This is the one thing destroying your nervous system: your mobile device.
When your eyes are transfixed by your screen, they are contracting and taxing your visual system, which is stressing out the rest of your body. You also are more susceptible to comparison, dopamine destruction, and uncontrollable anxiety, which all make life bland and not as enriched.
I invite you to do this every morning: wait 1-2 hours until you turn on Your phone. Get your body in a calm state, give your brain a reset, and see how your day has more intent behind it. The more you can be intentional with your day, the more productive you will be in the long run.
8. Build your warrior goddess army.
You are the sum of the five people you spend the most time with. It’s cliche, I know, but it is so true.
If you’re constantly around dramatic, emotionally charged and outraged girls, ask yourself, ‘are these people serving my purpose?’ or ‘are they waning my energy and excitement?’
Your goddess army must encompass other feminine women who are driven, yet cool, calm and collected. They inspire you, while also keeping you at peace. They push you, while also helping you relax. They motivate you, while also keeping you grounded.
9. Own your strengths.
I get there are a lot of other young women out there crushing it. I get it’s easy to compare. I get it’s easy to slip into jealousy.
This is why it is paramount to remind yourself of your strengths, your talents, your gifts. What do you bring to the table? This is why being in silence and ignoring society’s distractions and dopamine hits is crucial for you to remember who you are.
The more you get excited about you, and all the fun things you’re working on – your training, your hobbies, your passions – the more you can see other girls crushing it and not be phased. You just keep doing your own thing and blossoming into your best version.The more you get excited about you, and all the fun things you're working on - your training, your hobbies, your passions - the more you can see other girls crushing it and not be phased. You just keep doing your own thing and… Click To Tweet
10. Body positivity is up to you.
As much as you think a magazine can tell you how to feel about your body, it’s all a load of crap. You see skinny women, obese women, medium-sized women, and it gets confusing. One week, a skinny woman is the face of health. Another week, an obese woman is the face of health.
I say screw it all.
You decide what feels healthy and positive to you.
A template I like to use when it comes to loving your body are these three (recommended, but not required):
– Energy – this is how excited you are for life. Do you have energy to do your sport? Do you have focus? Do you have creativity?
– Medical Tests (blood labs, hormones, etc) – these are ensuring you are in good health that sets you up for a future of longevity, as well as richness. Having hormones in check, enough calories, enough nutrients in your system, and you are healthy in all facets of your being.
– Vibrancy – this is how you feel. Do you feel sexy? Do you feel glowing? Do you feel vibrant?
Your body positivity depends on whether you feel healthy and confident in your own skin. No one else’s.
A magazine can’t tell you how to feel. A celebrity. A TV show. Shoot…not even me!
You decide how much love you pour into your body and your attitude towards it.
Personally, it’s taken me a while to get to body acceptance, as I’ve lived out the get-ripped-and-restrict cliche many times. Now, I’ve found a comfy balance between being healthy on the inside, being confident in my physique with extra muscle and healthy fat, while also enjoying tacos and not being totally lame in social settings. But I repeat: this is unique to my 140+ pound body and took many years of self discovery, trial and error.
Yes, 140+ pounds.
Of muscle ;-O
11. Cheer for other women (even those you disagree with).
This is an important one. While there are many women I disagree with, especially when it comes to inspiring the next generation of young girls and the profanity and words they’re putting in songs, I still encourage them to have a voice.
After all, women are here to create and express themselves. It’s not your job to judge, nor is it your job to police them for what they’re saying.
Quietly disagree, while also wishing them the best.
You will feel relieved and empowered and connected to their human condition.
12. Let your guy friends help you.
I’ll keep this one short: yes, you are strong enough to move furniture and carry your purse. And yes, I know you can bang out Pull-Ups and don’t need anyone to help you do daily tasks.
However. If a guy friend offers to help, receive his help wholeheartedly.
This is your time to relax back into your feminine, as well as appreciate rather than resent men. They’re here to help, so let them!
13. Recognize men.
Stop hating men. Just stop.
Chances are, there are loads of men in your life who have supported you, helped you, and cheered for you in some way.
While some men have oppressed women, many have also helped women. Get clear on the men in your life who have supported your growth. A coach? A teacher? A boss?
When you blame men for all your problems, you refuse to take responsibility for your actions, and you remain stuck in the same patterns of attracting gross people. How can you set clear boundaries? How can you communicate your needs? How can you seek out amazing men in your life and keep them close?
Get clear, very clear on how you’re showing up.
Because blaming and complaining behind closed doors with your girlfriends doesn’t solve anything. A true empowered young woman takes self responsibility, leans into icky conversations, stands up for herself, and respects herself so much she takes radical action in her life when it comes to men.
Personally, men have assisted in my coaching success and have been incredibly supportive of my mission, but this didn’t happen until I opened my heart to receiving good people in my life and stopped demonizing the men in my industry.
I truly believe when you ooze loving rather than resentful energy, you receive more love. If you continue to be outraged at men, it then becomes a self fulfilling prophecy of victim-hood and oppression.
13. Say ‘no.’
Being busy isn’t a badge of honor.
Throwing yourself into more tasks, more training, more grind, more distractions, more TiTok takes you away from yourself. How will you ever know who you are – your needs, your values, your purpose, your dreams – if you’re busy with other things all the time? Stop distracting yourself, and look inside yourself.
It is imperative you consider executing these tools to take back your femininity for a more balanced spirit in sports and life. The calmness of the feminine energy will not only heal you, but it will heal the world. It will bring back nurture, empathy and love to a planet that is always outraged, stressed and on the verge of collapse. It will bring back creativity, spontaneity and flow to a game on the verge of too much structure and robotics.
FEMININE ENERGY RESOURCES
Warrior Goddess Training – Heatherash Amara
Divine Feminine Energy – Angela Grace
Get the Total Youth Female Athlete Fitness video course to learn how to teach female athletes strength technique, speed, and change of direction mechanics for injury reduction and performance, as well as learn about growth and maturation considerations, menstrual cycle, nutrition, and so much more HERE
To work with me in Tampa, Florida for soccer speed, strength and conditioning sessions, CONTACT ME HERE.